NYC's Hottest New Hotel? Missing Lantern Resident Suites Will Blow You Away!
NYC Hotel Heaven? Missing Lantern Resident Suites is NOT Just Another Brick in the Wall… Maybe. (A Review Straight from the Heart… and the Stomach)
Okay, folks, buckle up. I, your intrepid (and slightly caffeine-addicted) hotel reviewer, just survived… I mean, experienced… Missing Lantern Resident Suites in NYC. The buzz is HUGE. "Hottest New Hotel!" they scream. "Will Blow. You. Away!" I'm here to tell you: it blew me in various directions. Let's dive in, shall we?
First Impressions: The Good, the Slightly Off, and the "Wait, What Was That?"
Getting there? Easy peasy. Accessibility? They've got the goods. Wheelchair accessible paths, elevators, the whole shebang. Score one for inclusivity, right off the bat! (Important note: I didn't use a wheelchair myself, but I saw plenty of evidence it was thoughtfully designed. This is rare and deserves MAJOR props.)
Getting past the doorman was smooth as butter (and a little intimidating, I'm not gonna lie!). Then, bam! **Spacious lobby, ** with air conditioning in the public area blaring a chill welcome. The concierge was super helpful. I was STARVING (more on that later!), and he pointed me towards… well, let's get to the food.
Food Glorious Food (Or Lack Thereof): A Culinary Rollercoaster
Alright, let's be honest, this is where things got… interesting. The hyped-up restaurants? The Asian cuisine touted? Well, the buffet for breakfast, with its Asian breakfast options, was… present. Let’s just say my taste buds were crying for a hug. The Western breakfast was… better. Mostly. I ate a lot of toast. BUT, the coffee/tea in the restaurant… was solid. A definite win in my book.
I have to say, the lack of a real lively breakfast was a downer. Even the coffee shop was closed on my first morning. The Room service [24-hour] was my savior, though (more on that later). They had this incredible salad in the restaurant and some amazing soup in restaurant that literally saved me from a total melt down. I'd say even a decent snack bar could improve the experience.
Room Service Confessions and the Miracle of the Minibar
Okay, room service. This is where Missing Lantern absolutely redeemed itself. I was exhausted after traveling (and the breakfast fiasco). The 24-hour room service was a godsend. The staff were friendly and efficient, even when I was probably a little… hangry.
My room! Oh, the room! (I think I had one of the non-smoking rooms, thankfully.) It was… spacious. The air conditioning worked like a dream (essential in NYC!), and the blackout curtains meant I could actually sleep past sunrise. I'm a sucker for a good desk and complimentary tea and they surely delivered. I even had a mini bar overflowing with essentials (and a few indulgences). But wait, there's more! I'm a sucker for a good bathrobe, bathrobes everywhere! Pure bliss!
The Wellness Oasis: Spa, Sauna, and Sweltering Decisions
Right, so the fitness center was… functional. (I'm not judging, I didn't make it there. Blame the room service!). But the spa… now, we're talking! The sauna! The steamroom! Pure heaven. I spent a solid hour in the sauna, sweating out all my travel anxieties. They even had some luxurious body scrub options, but I chickened out. Too much nakedness for my comfort level.
The swimming pool [outdoor] looked amazing (though the weather didn’t cooperate while I was there). I hear the pool with view is the perfect spot to watch the sunset.
Cleanliness and Safety: Did They Really Sanitize?
Listen, in this post-pandemic world, this is HUGE. I was HIGHLY impressed. Professionally-grade sanitizing services were clearly in place – everywhere! Daily disinfection in common areas, hand sanitizer stations galore. They had rooms sanitized between stays, and best of all, a noticeable lack of that awful, chemical-y smell. They even offered room sanitization opt-out available, which is a nice touch. The staff were trained in safety protocol, and I felt genuinely safe. This is worth its weight in gold.
The Little Things That Matter (and the Ones That Don't)
Look. I’m a sucker for a good elevator. These were fast. The Wi-Fi [free] in the room and throughout the hotel was a godsend. Internet access – wireless everywhere. Daily housekeeping was efficient and discreet. The luggage storage was clutch.
Now for the Real Deal. The Imperfections
It wouldn’t be an honest review without the lowlights. The biggest one? Consistency! Some things were amazing. Some… not so much. And frankly, the whole "blow you away" marketing? Slightly overblown.
The Verdict… (drumroll please)
Missing Lantern Resident Suites? It’s a mixed bag, folks. It's got serious potential. The location is amazing, the accessibility is top-notch, the spa is heavenly, and the safety protocols are reassuring. However, the food situation needs a serious overhaul.
BUT…
Here's the offer!
ARE YOU READY TO LOVE, HATE, AND INDULGE IN NYC?
Book your stay at Missing Lantern Resident Suites NOW and we'll throw in:
- A complimentary upgrade to a room with a view (pending availability).
- A $50 dining credit in your choice of dining experiences (hint: avoid the buffet, go for the room service!)
- Early check-in/late check-out, so you can maximize your NYC adventure.
- Free Wi-Fi in ALL areas, with complimentary access to our exclusive online concierge service for personalized recommendations.
AND…
Mention the code "HOTELREVIEW" and get a FREE bottle of wine and a surprise treat upon arrival. Consider it our apology for the breakfasts.
Missing Lantern Resident Suites is a journey. It's not always perfect, but it's got heart. It’s a fun, well-intentioned imperfect hotel. Book now. You won't regret (most of) it. Trust me on this.
(Disclaimer: My opinion is my own, and I may have slightly over-exaggerated the toast situation. You'll probably be fine. Probably.)
Escape to Paradise: Casale Amati La Marchesa - Ortonovo's Hidden Gem
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because we're about to dive headfirst into the delightful, messy, and utterly unpredictable experience that is me visiting Missing Lantern Resident Suites in the glorious concrete jungle that is New York City! This isn't your perfectly curated Instagram travelogue, folks. This is the real deal. Prepare for typos, tangents, and possibly a minor existential crisis or two.
MISSING LANTERN RESIDENT SUITES: MY CHAOTIC NYC ADVENTURE
Pre-Trip – The Panic Sets In (aka, The Night Before)
- Evening: Okay, so, I'm staring at my suitcase. It looks like a sad, deflated balloon animal. Pretty sure I overpacked. Why did I think I needed five pairs of shoes?! The panic is real. I've got this irrational fear of forgetting something vital, like, you know, my ability to speak English. Or my toothbrush.
- Late Night: Spent an hour meticulously folding all my clothes using the KonMari method (which I totally failed at, btw) only to promptly rummage through the neat piles when I had second thoughts. Then, of course, the obligatory last-minute online shopping spree for "essential" travel items. (Spoiler alert: they're mostly snacks.)
Day 1: Landing in the Swirl (and Almost Losing My Mind)
Morning: Arrived via plane, (or as I like to call it, the "metal tube of anxiety"). The flight was a blur of crying babies, turbulence, and my desperate attempts to drown out the noise with podcasts.
Afternoon at Missing Lantern Resident Suites: Check-in was smoother than I expected! The actual suite is surprisingly stylish. Not quite what I was expecting from online photos (you know how that goes…) but the location… perfect. Within walking distance of everything, which is a godsend because I can't drive and my 'sense of direction' is more like a 'sense of completely and utterly lost'. The air conditioner (or whatever it is) sounds like a dying walrus, but okay, let's not be negative.
Late Afternoon/Evening:
- First-Impression of NYC: Walking out and the city, BAM! Buildings so close together that you can almost feel the energy vibrating like a tuning fork. The noise! Pure, beautiful, glorious cacophony! The yellow cabs! (I swore I only saw these in movies!) Took a stroll down a random street and got swept away in the crowd. Got confused by a guy in a hot dog shirt. Was it a costume, or just a thing?!
- Supper: Found a tiny, hole-in-the-wall pizza place. Ate my slice while desperately trying to avoid eye contact with a pigeon that looked suspiciously like it wanted a piece. Best. Pizza. Ever. (and I'm a pizza fanatic!)
- Emotional rollercoaster:
- Positive: This city! So much to see, do, and experience. It's like every single person in this city is a character.
- Negative: Feeling overwhelmed (already) - so many people, so much to do. Worried about not keeping up with the pace.
- Quirky: My brain is running a mile a minute, which could be a disaster.
- Rambling thoughts:
- Trying to decide where to go next is paralyzing. I could spend every minute here doing something, and I am scared of wasting time. So, I might just… sit for a bit, take a deep breath, and try to get my bearings. So it starts. Maybe I will re-read what I wrote so far. It seems so disconnected, even to me.
Day 2: Museum Mania & (Almost) Losing My Wallet
- Morning: Headed to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Got completely and utterly lost inside for a full three hours. Saw more art in those three hours than I ever have. Honestly, I'm not even sure I like art. But even I was moved by the sheer beauty of it all. Wandered into the Egyptian section and got completely lost in its ancient mystique. It's so weird to appreciate the time those things have existed.
- Over-reaction I'm going to have to come back.
- Afternoon: Tried to navigate the subway. (Pro Tip: Learn the difference between the A, C, and E trains. I did not.) Nearly lost my wallet in the chaos. Cue a 10-minute panic attack involving hyperventilating and frantically patting all my pockets. Found it. Deep breaths…deep breaths… Time to find some food.
- Late Afternoon/Evening:
- Emotional rollercoaster:
- Frustrated: Subway is a maze.
- Relieved: Found my wallet.
- Overwhelmed: So many things to take in.
- Quirky: Did I mention I saw a woman walking her cat on a leash? A cat! In New York City! (It looked unimpressed, by the way.)
- Rambling thoughts:
- The best part of the day was going back to my room. And my cat (it really is the best cat). I thought about how I didn't want to do this anymore. But then I thought about how much fun I was able to have. It's this push and pull. I think I need to get away from the people for a while.
- Emotional rollercoaster:
Day 3: Brooklyn Bridge & (Attempted) Fine Dining
- Morning: Decided to be "adventurous" and walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. OMG. The views are incredible! Took a gazzilion photos. Almost got run over by a cyclist. Worth it.
- Lunch: Ate a questionable hot dog from a street vendor. My stomach is currently staging a protest. The protest seems to be working.
- Afternoon: Tried to be fancy and made dinner reservations at a "trendy" restaurant. The food was so exquisitely presented, I was afraid to touch it. Then I realized it was all so small. Left feeling both hungry and like I'd just participated in performance art.
- Late Afternoon/Evening:
- Emotional rollercoaster:
- Positive: The views from the Brooklyn Bridge were amazing.
- Negative: Questionable hotdog.
- Frustrated: Small portions at an overpriced restaurant.
- Quirky: Almost slipped on a stray hot dog at the hotdog vendor.
- Rambling thoughts:
- New York makes you think that you can do it all, be everything. But even though I am here, I can't help but feel as if I am missing everything. I think I need to stop planning and let the city happen to me.
- Emotional rollercoaster:
Day 4: (The Big Finish) - Theatre, Tears, and Taxis (Sort Of)
- Morning: Stumbled upon a tiny, independent bookstore & found a book that I had to have. Went into a coffee shop, and spent an hour lost in an entirely new world.
- Afternoon: Took a taxi to see a Broadway show. (Finally! A taxi I managed to flag down!) The show was…fantastic. I cried. A lot. (Don't judge.) Left feeling moved, inspired, and slightly embarrassed about my tear-stained mascara.
- Late Afternoon/Evening:
- Emotional rollercoaster:
- Overjoyed: The Broadway show was so inspiring.
- Sadness: Leaving New York tomorrow.
- Quirky: I forgot I had a huge bag of gummy bears and ate half of them in the theatre.
- Rambling thoughts:
- New York, you are a paradox of a city. I love you. I hate you. I want more. I need a break. I can't wait to leave, but I'm already planning my return. I'm exhausted (in a good way). I'm happy. I'm human, and I'm exactly where I need to be.
- Emotional rollercoaster:
Day 5: Departure – The Bitter Sweet Goodbye!
- Morning:
- Packing: I've overpacked again (surprise, surprise).
- Departure to airport: I can't wait to go back.
- Overall:
- The missing lantern was amazing, and I hope to be able to go back someday.
- I'm exhausted, but I've seen more in this week than any other week.
- New York, you have my heart.
Okay, there you have it. My utterly chaotic, imperfect, and glorious New York City adventure. It wasn't always pretty. It wasn't always easy. But it was mine. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a nap. And maybe a therapy session. (Kidding…mostly.)
Escape to Paradise: Nkonyeni Lodge & Golf Estate Awaits!
So, what *IS* the deal with [Replace with Topic Here], anyway? Like, the big, basic, "What's this all about?" question?
Ugh, right? The fundamental question that haunts us all. Okay, so... in a nutshell (and I’m REAL bad at nutshells, by the way, always cracking them with a hammer and making a mess), [Replace with brief, layman's explanation, avoiding jargon. Be messy, maybe use a metaphor.]. Think of it like... like trying to herd cats... (I said I was bad with nutshells, didn't I?). Basically, it’s this thing that [Summarize the main goal or purpose].
Look, the official definitions are probably floating around somewhere, all clinical and boring. But my REAL take? Most people probably just stumble into it, then realize it's a whole thing with its own rules. And honestly, the rules seem to change every five minutes, which is super frustrating, but also kinda exciting, right? Maybe? I don't know, I'm still figuring it out.
Okay, I *sort of* get it. But *WHY* is this even important? Like, why should I care? My to-do list is long enough, thank you very much.
Oh, the age-old question. Why bother? Believe me, I’ve asked myself that a million times while staring at [metaphor for whatever the topic involves] until my eyes crossed. The short answer? You might not. Seriously. And that's okay! But...
Here's the thing: I was SO resistant at first. I thought it was just... [Describe a negative preconception. Be specific]. I saw it as this huge, complicated, headache-inducing mess. And honestly? Sometimes, it IS.
But then... *sigh*… One day, I was [describe an embarrassing or relatable situation where the topic was needed], and and I realized… well, holy crap, this thing actually *works*! It was like unlocking a secret superpower. Like, I was finally able to [mention a specific positive outcome]. It changed the game, honestly.
So, maybe not *essential* to your survival. But potentially life-altering (or at least, making your life a little easier/more enjoyable). That's been my experience, anyway. Yours might be completely different, and that's cool too.
Alright, you’ve (kinda) convinced me to dip my toes in. Where do I even *start*? This seems overwhelming.
Overwhelming? Honey, it's a *jungle*. But don't panic! Deep breaths. Look, the best advice I can give you is to start SMALL. Seriously, don't try to conquer the whole thing at once. I tried that. Big mistake. I ended up on the couch under a blanket, eating a whole bag of [relatable comfort food] and staring at the ceiling fan. Not my finest moment.
Start with this: [Give a specific, easy first step. Be VERY specific. Avoid generic advice.] Honestly, just that ONE little thing will feel like a victory. Trust me. I felt victorious just the other day after [relate a somewhat trivial success]. It's about building momentum, baby!
Don't expect perfection. You WILL mess up. I still mess up. I probably messed up writing this whole thing! And that's okay. That's life. Just keep going.
Are there ANY downsides? Because everything always seems to have a catch.
Oh, sweetie, the catch isn't just a catch, it's a whole damn grappling hook! YES, there are downsides. Where do I even begin?
First, [mention common downsides. Be honest and a bit dramatic]. I once spent an entire weekend [relate a specific, possibly humorous, anecdote related to the downside]. It was a disaster. A glorious, messy, hilarious disaster.
Second, [mention another downside. Be a little more analytical or philosophical]. It requires [mention something that takes effort or resource]. And sometimes, I think, "Is it even worth it?" The answer, usually? I don't know! Ask me later.
But here's the thing: the downsides are often outweighed by the upsides. Or, at least, that's what I tell myself when I'm crying in the shower after [relate a personal struggle related to the topic].
Can you give me an example of how *you* use [Replace with Topic Here]? Like in a real-life situation? Please, someone prove it works!
Oh, okay, okay, let me tell you about the Great [Relate a specific, personal embarrassing story, showing how you dealt with the topic. Go into vivid and personal detail. Make it a little over the top, but real].
It was a Tuesday, I think. Or maybe a Wednesday? Details, details. Anyway, I was [Set the scene and the problem. Be as specific as possible]. And I was completely stuck! Absolutely floundering. I wanted to throw my [mention something you own] and scream. I did, I almost did.
This is where [Replace with Topic Here] came in. I remembered [describe a specific technique or aspect of the topic you used]. At first, I was like, "This is stupid. This will never work." I almost gave up. But then... [Describe your actions using the topic. Build suspense. Make it slightly dramatic] .
And, to my utter astonishment, it *worked*! Suddenly, I was [Describe the positive outcome, over the top!]. I felt like a total [describe a funny exaggeration of the success. ]. I could have danced in the streets, if I wasn't still so mortified by the original situation. It was a moment, you guys. A total moment.
Alright, I've read all this. Any final advice? Anything you HATE doing?
Okay, here's the real deal. Get ready for a dose of blunt honesty:
What I HATE: Seriously, I despise [Mention the most tedious or annoying thing about the topic. Be specific and rant a little. ] UGH. Every. Single. Time. I swear there were a point I gave up on life. If I could just snap my fingers and make it go away, I would.
Final Words of Wisdom (or maybe just my rambling): Embrace the mess. Seriously. It's going to be messy. You're going to stumble, you are going to mess up and you are going to feel like an idiot. But that's okay, because everyone elseCozy Stay Spot
